Conditional Love & Freedom for our Self
A lot of people have the idea that they are able to truely love. But, if we define true love as unconditional love, the amount of people who can truely love is reduced to a minute percentage.
I do not write this to complain about the world or existance. I think existance is a marvellous thing. I write about this because I intend to state something with clarity.
There is no such thing as Conditional Love or True Love. Love is simply Love, always that what we call True Love. And Conditional Love is no love at all, but a trading. If you give me that, I will give you this. That is not love, that is accounting. So there is no such thing as a conditional love. That is a paradox.
Why do I state this so determined? Because we rob us from our freedom to be whatever we choose to be when we are listening to people that love us conditionally. They influence us, manipulate us and may threaten us. All this they do to rob us from our energy. Our being that should be our joy is now used for theirs. This is were we feel horrible and can get depressive. What is the point of all this when I cannot be the master of my life? What is the use of creating when I am constantly robbed of my creations?
So, here is my point. People try and may succeed in robbing you of your energy, your freedom and your power. And then they say: But I love you. This hurts me more than you. I am responsible for you and I may have to act against your will to protect you. These times are over! Knowing all this, we can take our responsibility back and hence our power. Nobody is responsible for you and when they think they are they want to control you. They want power over you for their own needs. And then they disguise that with the excuse of having the duty of responsibility towards you. When somebody is taking your power, you feel bad and may get sick. It is important to stand your ground, know that you can do it without anyone who is manipulating you and accept the seeming loss in turn for your newly found freedom. Because they will never let you free. They may treat you better at the beginning, but only to make you doubt your decision to break free and leave. Know this. They will never let you free. You are the only one who can free yourself. Stay firm in your decision.
Of course, parents are responsible for their kids when they are young. But this should fast lead to the autonomy of the children. Because in general, we are not responsible for another person, but to another person. I mean with that, it is not our business to decide what another does with his life, but how we respond to what he is doing with his life. That is true response-ability. We can tell another one what we are thinking of what he is doing. That is a responsible and loving act if we truely bear in mind his joy and not only ours. But the power to decide should be always in our counterparts hands. We respond to him, not for him.
Claim your power back. Internalize this information and know that people try to manipulate you. Do not get paranoid. They do it unconsciously, or they may not. However, you are conscious of it. So, when they use the two tools of manipulation, be aware of them. These tools are guilt and fear. They may complain towards you to make you feel guilty and that you have to give them something in return to clear your debts. Or they may threaten you with very creative pictures of a bad future to make you fear.
You see, these people do not love you, they need you. They are dependent on you to be happy. Therefore they do everything so you will stay with them. They are afraid of being alone. But even when they are with you, you have to fit their expectations. Otherwise, you are not doing your job appropriately. So, they punish you, and rightly! they think. In their perspective, you are responsible for their happiness. Therefore, you are held responsible when they are not happy. They sense that you have attacked them and feel justified to attack you in return. Every attack is felt as a justified defense. However, a true defense is perceived as an attack, but is truely no attack at all. It is a protection of our own space. But where to draw the line? The line is drawn as the responsibilty of each entity to care for its own happiness and to not actively interfere with another one‘s happiness except with the most honorable purpose.
These people have given their responsibility for their happiness away to you. Because they need you and not love you, you are only of interest to them, when they are unsatisfied or sad. When they are happy, they feel no need for you anymore. And because that was their only motivation to keep you on their side, they will reject and leave you. Until, of course, they need you again and come crawling back to you. This circle will repeat again and again. They do not know what they want. Therefore their opinion constantly changes. Then, you have to constantly change. Someday, they are not satisfied with you anymore and they abandon you.
When they come back, they will try everything to a) put the fault on your behalf or b) evoke sympathy. Sympathy is also a wonderful tool of manipulation. It weakens your energy and your clarity of mind. Never act out of sympathy! Sympathy is a feeling of obligation to help somebody. Never do something out of a sense of obligation. Obligation equals manipulation. Sympathy is a perfect mixture of fear and guilt of being a bad person. And as I said, these two are great tools of manipulation.
Stand outside of this system of guilt and fear. Everything you experience is a perfect experience to develop yourself. Understand that these people are playing their role for you so that you can experience who you are and learn valuable lessons. Do not hate them. Be bold and decisive. Simply be clear of who you are. And know they have their place in your life play. This situation is a perfect opportunity to experience yourself as love, towards yourself and others. So use these encounters with that kind of persons that I described. Use them to stand your ground, to define who you are and to occupy your space. Act out of love for yourself. Not out of fear of being inappropriate. State: I do not want this. I will go if you act like that any longer. Do this and you will feel empowered and free. You do not need anyone especially not people who drain your energy. Be calm, face the consequences and flow with the changes that occur. Then you will be rich of happy and interesting experiences.
These persons fear their darkness and they fear their light and so they live in the shadows, leading a grey life. You instead can live a live full of colors where the picture of your journey has many layers. And you may experience that everything can give joy when you seek to live life and not to conserve it and save it up for later. Live life. Without guilt and fear. Take your power back. Enjoy your freedom. Follow your passion. Be yourself.
by Davide Paradiso